Food Beast

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Guess who’s back?
Back again.
This Food Beast is back.
Tell a friend.

So I took a slightly longer break from blogging than I had originally planned, but it isn’t all my fault.  I was busy growing a food beast baby in my belly and then that food beast baby was born and now that he is no longer a newborn, I actually have a free minute to sit and type…Amen to that!

While I was pregnant I didn’t really do a whole lot of reading, as I figured if there was anything I really needed to know, my doctor would fill me in.  The one thing I did read was that while pregnant you should eat many different foods so that the baby will be exposed to various foods while in the womb and will be more likely to try new foods when he/she starts eating food.  I was not sure how much of this I actually believed, but as I read this I looked at my husband and said, “Well, at least we know the baby will like chocolate, cupcakes, and cookies.”  I have to say I never had any weird cravings…I drank a lot more orange juice, ate French toast that was covered in syrup and powdered sugar, and the lady at the bagel place knew to save me an egg bagel every Friday morning!

Being pregnant and being due on Christmas had many perks.  I got to be pregnant and wear elastic waist pants through Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, which meant I could stuff my face as much as I wanted…which was heavenly!  The only negative to all of this was that when people came to meet the new food beast baby they all brought Christmas cookies to our house to share.  Now don’t get me wrong, this was awesome because my husband and I constantly tasted all of the goodies that people brought over, but after you have a baby you need to cut back on the sweets so you can fit back into your non-elastic waist pants at some point before your kid celebrates his/her first birthday.

Any thoughts to share on what you stuffed your face with when you were pregnant?

A good friend sent me this poem and I read it every January to kick start my thinking about eating better in the new year.  Hope you enjoy it!

Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled,
the chocolate I’d taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt…
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter, disguised as a man!”

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore…
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

My friend Francine sent me this and I thought it was worth sharing!  Enjoy, and don’t deprive yourself at holiday parties, just wear elastic waist pants or a dress with no waist!


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday  spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday  party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. (It gives me the runs! ) I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO what a ride!”

P.S. NO blood work for at least 3 weeks after or your Doctor will freak out. HDL/LDL Trigli. will be 900 or more.

This post is WAY overdue and the reason for that would be summer vacation.  I seem to lose all control of what a schedule is and I secretly love it.

In some of my posts, I mentioned my second grade lunch bunch and how much fun they are.  We order in the best lunches, organize themed lunches, and have great gatherings with amazing food!

The last second grade gathering that we had was in June to finish out the school year.  Our friend Mary opened up her home for us as a place for us to sit around, drink, and stuff our faces.  The amount of food was pretty disgusting (and by that I mean amazing) because everyone brought either an appetizer or a dessert.

Some apps to munch on....

Since it was so close to the last day of school people were just laughing and eating and it was a grand old time.  I was not until dessert came out that the real stuffing of the faces began.  I had made chocolate-dipped potato chips (that were out of this world…if I do say so myself) and peanut butter buckeye balls. ( My husband and I had taste-tested both of these treats before I packed them up and they were both delicious.)

Gotta love Sally's humor!

When the desserts were served at Mary’s house, everyone was laughing when Sally presented the dessert she had picked up.  In case you can’t read what the cakes say, the one on the left says, “I’m fucking done” and the one on the right says, “Me too!”  By this point in the school year everyone had said they were done with the school year about 473204832094 times.  And now even the baker at Brewster Pastry knew it too!

People were sampling desserts, which is always my favorite part of any meal.  The next day at work, my friend Maria came up to me and said, “Your balls made me sick.  I ate too many of them.”  Hehe…I will admit, those peanut butter balls were very rich, but they were DELICIOUS!  Check out the recipes, that I attached as links above….perfect desserts for upcoming holiday get togethers.

This post is way overdue and if you have tasted Panera’s Signature Macaroni and Cheese, you know why!  I usually pick up Panera for dinner, but since it is somewhat out of the way, we rarely eat there, but our new favorite thing on the menu is the Mac and Cheese.  (My other favorite is the tuna salad sandwich, which is the fattiest tuna sandwich I have ever had in my life, but it is delish!  Not kidding on the fat content, a half a sandwich is 9 points on Weight Watchers….Yowzers!)

Now, when I head to Panera, Dave and I usually get a you pick two.  This is a great idea and I wish more places did this.  You get to pick two things to eat and you get a half of a serving of each.  I usually get a half of a sandwich and a soup.  Just recently when I discovered this new mac and cheese I checked out the weight watchers points on-line and saw that a small serving of this sh*t was ten f*%king points.  Okay, seriously, this better be a good size serving.  So, I arrive at Panera and see that the serving size is enough to fill a large cavity, so I decided against ordering it for myself, but since Dave also wanted to try it, I got some for him and figured I could steal a few bites without him noticing.

Well….I got home and we started eating and Dave was inhaling the mac and cheese like it was his last meal.  I grabbed the spoon out of his hand and went in for a taste and let me tell you….I was not disappointed.  I went to have a second bite and before I went in for the third bite, Dave quickly grabbed the spoon and said, “Next time get your own if you like it so much.”  After Dave finished the mac and cheese and moved on to his sandwich, I took his spoon and basically scooped out the leftover cheese sauce.  Everyone knows that is the best part and this sauce is full of tangy Vermont white cheddar cheese which I am sure is totally fat free!

Click here to find the Panera closest to you!

This post is long overdue and it is definitely blog worthy!

I eat lunch in the faculty room just about everyday.  I eat with a very rowdy bunch of people and I don’t know that I would make it through the day if I didn’t have lunch with them on a regular basis.  We always celebrate birthdays, order lunch, and eat lots of desserts.  People are nice about sharing their snack and you can’t ask for more than that!

About a month ago, we had the first annual Dip Day at work!  If you work in an office with a large group of people who like food as much as you do, then you have to have a Dip Day.  Here is what we did to set this shindig up:  Step 1 – Pass around a sign-up sheet to sign up for some type of appetizer dip or dessert dip that you would like to bring in to share with others.  Step 2 – Pick the day that would work for everyone to bring in their dips.  Step 3 – Make sure there are a variety of different dips and snacks to dip in the dips for everyone to enjoy!  Step 4 – Make sure that people wear elastic waist pants so that when they stuff their faces, they will still be comfortable and able to continue eating like it is their last meal.

Our margaritas!

We had some really good dips at our dip day.  But I think the best thing we had were our margaritas.  Calm down, calm down…they were virgin.  C’mon….even though the kids are beastly at times, we don’t drink at work during lunch.  That would be a problem!!

Since we had a lot of people at lunch, we had a lot of stuff to big out on.  Some of the items to put on our plates included sweet and sour meatballs, spinach and artichoke dip, chips and onion dip, cheesy bacon dip, 7 layer Mexican dip with tortilla chips, veggies and hummus, clam dip with crackers, and a salsa dip.  Think there were enough things for us to eat?!  For dessert….oh yeah, there was dessert, whether you had room for it or not.  For dessert there was chocolate fondue and fruit dip with fruit, pound cake, brownies, and pretzels.

I had a little bit of everything that was out, but I really went to town with the clam dip.  The only other time that I eat clam dip is on Christmas Eve and I LOVE IT!!!  I went back up to the table for more clam dip about four times….disgusting…..but really delicious!!  I will mention that I was not the only one stuffing their faces.  I think this was the only day that the faculty room was not insanely loud because we were all stuffing our faces with food and not even talking to each other.

Some of our snacks!

Remember how I mentioned the elastic waist pants…these are key people.  I cannot stress the importance of the elastic waist pants enough here.  Take my advice and wear them on dip day at your office.  (People at work did not wear elastic waist pants and ended up having to unbutton their pants at the table when they were done eating.  Oh….this was only me?  As my mom would say, “How special!”)

I hope reading this entry entices you and your friends to host your own Dip Day at work.  My friends at work and I looked forward to this day for many days leading up to it and we are excited to plan our next dip day for next year!

A few weeks ago I was in the midst of a crisis and any good friend knows that the only thing that will really make you feel better is a baked good.  Now my friend Deborah should be going to hell for this, but because she is so nice, I guess I should recant that statement.

6 Yummy Cupcakes!

I came home from work to find a huge box on my doorstep.  The styrofoam box said fragile and contents perishable.  I could not think of what I ordered so I immediately pulled the box inside and whipped out a knife to slice the box open.  After taking out the large block of dry ice, I saw a box of Crumbs Cupcakes.

As much as I wanted to shove my face into these cupcakes, I knew I had not ordered them so I looked around for a note or something.  My friend Deb has sent them to me as a way to cheer me up.  Can we say she knows me pretty well?!  Hello….she is sending me backed goods across the miles!!

I gained some self-control and went to pilates.  As soon as I came home, I showed Dave the enormous cupcakes and asked if he wanted to have a half with me.  He turned down my offer, so I cut the cupcake in half and then ended up consuming both halves.  Oh by the way, these suckers are about as tall as a half of a soda can and about 4 inches wide!  Dave looked at me (I think in horror) and asked, “Is that your dinner?”  With a mouthful of cupcake, I answered, “Yes.  And don’t judge me!”  Want to read more about Crumbs Cupcakes nutritional value?  (I don’t recommend it!)  Click here.

Okay…I buy 100 calories packs on a regular basis.  I love the Chips Ahoy cookies, and the Oreo cookie crisps are not too bad.  I think my favorite 100 calorie packs are the Baked Cheetos!  These things are like crunchy, cheesy crack!  I love them and here is where the problem lies….one bag is not enough.  I will say, thanks to my friend Amanda, that I have learned that the chip varieties of the 100 calorie pack snacks contain more than the cookie varieties, and the food beast that I am wants all that I can get for my 2 point snack.

I understand that the 100 calorie packs can’t contain a lot because there is only supposed to be 100 calories (2 weight watchers point) of food in those tiny bags, but that is just it, is one bag really enough.  And how are you not having something to go along with the snack.  For example, today I came home from school and could basically eat the cabinets off the walls (am I hungry?…Not at all, but I grew up coming home from school and having a snack, so that is what I still do as a 29 year old woman).  I grabbed a 100 calorie pack of mini chocolate chip cookies.  I will say that they are actually a good snack because you get about 9 cookies in the teeny tiny bag.  Anyway, I grabbed the carton of milk (skim thank you very much) from the refrigerator and had some milk with my cookies.  (I decided to just chug from the carton since I am the only one who drinks the skim milk, so I feel that I am allowed to do that….don’t judge me.)  So, I have no idea how much milk I had because I never poured a glass so I am not sure how many points that was, but I will say a cup.  With the milk I had my bag of teeny, tiny chocolate chip cookies.  I finished them in about 35 seconds.  Okay, that is an exaggeration, since I actually really try to stretch out the amount of time in which I eat these snacks since the bags are so small and I am so sad when the consumption of them has come to an end.  So, I chugged some milk, had a cookie, milk, cookie, milk cookie until the cookies were gone.  Okay, so my 2 point snack turned into like a 4 point snack.  I instantly wanted to rip open another bag, but did have control because there was only one bag left and I wanted to have them for snack tomorrow after school.  Although, I will admit that I have had two of these mini snack bags in one sitting becuase I am sorry, but one bag is enough to fill a cavity!

Giving up chocolate for Lent is not something that is easy to do….especially when you are a chocoholic, like myself.  Lent started all the way back in February and I was in Barbados on Ash Wednesday.  That meant no chocolate desserts after dinner and no candy bars on the plane ride home….which is something that I enjoy. During the past few weeks I have been trying to fill the chocolate void, although it has not been easy. You don’t realize how many things contain chocolate until you can’t have it. No chocolate chip cookies, no chocolate munchkins at Dunkin Donuts, no brownies that your co-workers make, no hot chocolate on cold Sunday afternoons, and no ice cream other than vanilla at Baskin-Robbins when you are on vacation in Aruba…where the hell are those 31 flavors they are always advertising?!  This is not a lie…there weren’t any other flavors that did not contain a trace of chocolate or some type of nut (I have a funky nut allergy).

While the no-chocolate-eating continued through Lent, my husband was nice enough to guide me in the other direction when we were food shopping and entering the Entenmann’s section or in the candy aisle of Target.  I did find a few snacks that tickled my fancy during the past 40 days.  I enjoyed Hot Tamales every now and then. I also bought about 6 bags total, for work and home, of the bunny, duck and chick Easter version of SweeTarts. Those suckers are highly addicting and after eating a fair amount of them I find my tongue becomes numb to any other flavor (probably because I eat my weight in these once I open a bag).  These suckers are not too bad…I am pretty sure 4 of them are 1 weight watcher point.   I also discovered Reese’s peanut butter Whoppers. I stumbled upon these in Stop and Shop in CT.  I am assuming they make these in NY, but I have not seen them. (I have made a mental note to look for these the next time I am at Stop and Shop in NY.)  These RBP Whoppers were delicious. Like the regular Whoppers, they have the same crunchy inside, but instead of the chocolate outside there is a layer of Reese’s peanut butter.  HELLO….awesomeness!!!  If you enjoy Reese’s Peanut Butter cups as much as I do, these are going to be hard to put down.  If I remember correctly, I think 17 of those Whoppers were 3 weight watchers points…not too shabby.

I have to say, that I don’t mind not eating chocolate, as I enjoy eating other candy, but I was ready for Lent to come to an end.  The past few days were particularly rough and I was not sure I was going to make it at some points.   I had Godiva chocolate waiting from Valentine’s Day that would stare at me every time I opened the pantry. I had many co-workers eating chocolate in front of me, a Costo sized bag of Lindt truffles that a lady at work brought in, and a husband who enjoys the occasional Cookies ‘n Cream Pop-Tart…but Sunday it was all over!!!!   I can once again stuff my face with chocolaty goodness and I don’t give a crap how many points are in Cadbury mini-eggs or the Russel Stover chocolate strawberry cream eggs. (I went to CVS about 2 weeks ago and stocked up on all of my favorite Easter chocolate so I would not head to the store on Monday after Easter to see empty shelves where delicious milk chocolate goodness was once stocked and waiting to be purchased.) Saturday night Dave turned to me and said, “I am scared for you for tomorrow…I think it is going to be out of control.” Oh Dave…I think you might be right!

Oh and Dave was right….I woke up Sunday morning to consume Weight Watcher peppermint patties (compliments Weight Watcher Buddy) and a Cadbury Caramel Egg (compliments of Pam).  I then ripped open the bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and also ate a Russel Stover chocolate strawberry cream egg.  OH….and this was all before I left for 10:30 mass….I am gross…I am aware!  The chocolate intake didn’t stop here.  I had a devil’s food cupcake for dessert with about four mini chocolate frosted donuts (an impulse buy at Stop and Shop that morning).  Needless to say, I should have felt sick after all of this, but I did not.  My belly had missed all that chocolate and was just making up for lost time!!!

Last week at work my friends and I hosted a breakfast.  I know it makes us sound really nice, but we are not that nice….it was just our turn.  Different departments host a breakfast each month and this month is was time for the specialists and the kindergarten teachers to host.

So everyone brings something in, then everyone stuffs their face…it’s a good time.  Anyway, this woman Frances makes the most amazing crumb cake I have ever tasted in my 29 years on this planet.  (She also makes amazing bark…I can never replicate her recipes as much as I try…and trust me, I try.)  So, at breakfast I took a piece of crumb cake, as well as, a quarter of a bagel with butter, fruit, and some quiche…yeah, I don’t mess around when it comes to these things.

So, I went and taught some small children to read then came back to the faculty room to eat my lunch.  There were a few other teachers sitting there finishing lunch.  There was still food out from the morning breakfast so I decided to pick at some of the food that was left over.  I saw that the crumb cake tray was still there….WOO HOO!!!  I went over to the table to get a piece and I saw that SOMEONE HAD LEFT THE TRAY ON THE TABLE AND IT WAS EMPTY!!!  Who in the hell does that….with Frances’ crumb cake. Throw out the damn tray and don’t tease the rest of us with the empty tray!  I picked up the tray and I see that there are tons of crumbs left…which are the best part.  I am showing the tray to the other people in the room and Sara said, “The crumbs are the best part…just eat it.”  Now normally if I were at home, I would get a spoon and eat the leftover crumbs from the tray.  Oh….well that is exactly what I did.  Paul looked at me and said, “I wish I had a camera to take a picture of this right now.”  It was pretty gross, BUT delicious at the same time.  So, I ate what was left of the crumb cake and talked to about four other people that came into the faculty room and TWO of the people were close friends at work.  It was not until I was leaving the faculty room that one of the women that works in the main office said to me, “Oh dear, you have a little powdered sugar on your face.”  Well, isn’t that a fine how-do-you-do?  NO one else told me I had powdered sugar on my face.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot people.

Now, one would think that after I stuffed my face at breakfast and then again at lunch, I would gain some self-control and get a handle on the food-intake situation….but, c’mon now.

Now….on Thursday afternoon, my friend Sue was telling us about this “Crack Pie” that she had heard about on television.  Apparently Anderson Cooper is obsessed with it and was raving about it on Regis and Kelly.

Of course we googled that shit and were like, “We NEED to have this pie!”  So, my friend Karen had her poor husband Pat running all over NYC to get this damn pie for us.   Let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  The pie contains butter, heavy cream, brown sugar, sugar, and a little corn flour and it was worth the 8 weight watcher points.  You read that right, 8 points.

Karen and beasts...unless it is weigh-in day!

Karen and I both had a slice, while Sue, Pam, and Maria each shared.  Pat also picked up some compost cookies for us.  We consumed all of our desserts in about 5 minutes flat…can we say…PIGS?  I was sad that I could not enjoy the cookies because I gave up chocolate for Lent and these cookies contains pretzels, potato chips, butterscotch chips, and, yes, chocolate chips.  The girls said they were good, so I will have to have Pat pick me some up once Lent is over!